i.

In Alice Munro's short story collection, Too Much Happiness, there's a piece called Face.  It was about a boy who had a big, wine-colored birthmark on his face. This birthmark gave his father a reason not to like him, even calling him, "a chunk of chopped liver." 

He had a childhood friend named Nancy, the daughter of the woman who was staying at their guesthouse. The two children became inseparable and most of the story was about their adventures. One day, Nancy found a can of red paint and smudged her face with it to look like the boy with his birthmark. The boy was offended, thinking it too red when his face had, as what he thought, a brownish hue. He ran to his mother and when she saw Nancy's face painted red, all hell broke loose. The mother insulted her and called her names and when Nancy's mother came to rescue, a nasty confrontation followed. Nancy and her mother moved out and the two children never saw each other again.

Later on, the boy heard the news that Nancy intentionally scarred her own face.

ii.

There are things you do for other people in which you mean well but may end up being misunderstood. Did Nancy paint her face red to mock the boy? In the end, as if for restitution of a lost friendship, she ended up actually scarring her own face. Perhaps what she was trying to tell the boy in the first place was: we are the same; there's no need to be alone. But the boy, insecure despite the facade of strength, reacted too quickly and saw it as an insult.  

If we are on the receiving end of a gesture, we must first understand its purpose - if it is for malice or for something good. It is easy to be carried away by emotions but we need to discern what we feel so we can act in a way that we will not regret. Sometimes, it can be too late to take back whatever we put out in the world. Although instant reactions may be the most sincere, or the most raw, I still believe in the right timing, in silence and in stillness when you know you may say or do something harsh. Tact need not to be stripped off of honesty and sincerity, but it is to be considerate and sensitive, not just to others, but to yourself.

iii.

The boy, now as an adult, had a dream where a few lines of a poem was recited to him. After much looking, he found the whole poem:

with love,
abelink